9 things to quit in 2021
In a month where people quit things, I thought I’d share some ideas of things to quit that don’t involve forsaking the things we enjoy in life.
Full disclosure, this is not your usual January diet-culture claptrap. Instead, these are improvements that will help you build the self -compassion to make long-lasting improvements to your mental and physical health.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, so I’d love to hear what you’d add.
Okay, here we go.
1. Quit trying to please everyone.
First of all, it’s impossible to please everyone. Also in trying to do so, you’re often neglecting your own needs. Have you ever wondered where the need to people please might stem from?
In his article for Psychology Today, Dr Leon F Seltzer writes “As children, people-pleasers generally felt loved only when they were conforming to the needs and desires of their parents.” Dr Seltzer explains how, when such children asserted their will contrary to parental wishes, these parents typically reacted critically and withdrew their care and support. As a consequence, such children felt not only disapproved of but also rejected and abandoned.
2. Quit neglecting your need to rest.
Here’s a radical thought, we do not need to earn our rest. I’ll go one further and say that when we rest, we are more productive in the long-run. A rested mind and body are better equipped to deal with the daily stresses of life. An overworked mind and body will eventually burnout. The chemical messengers that activate and maintain the stress cycle’s action phase are not intended for prolonged use.
Consistent high levels of these chemical messengers create a pro-inflammatory environment for the body, suppresses our immune function and inhibits our ability to heal. After a while, our body enforces rest by way of a burnout. Scheduling in some time for relaxation gives our body the chance to settle and find balance.
3. Quit gaslighting yourself.
Gaslighting is essentially minimising your emotions and undermining your truth. When we do this, we deny ourselves the opportunity to heal and to have our needs met. It’s our responsibility and our right to stand up for ourselves and what we’re feeling. It’s nice when someone can validate your emotions, but when someone starts to validate their own emotions? Now, that’s power!
4. Quit being afraid of being different.
If we were all the same, my goodness, the world would be so boring. It’s very tempting to fall into going along with the status quo. It’s comfortable. Or at least, so you might think. What is the actual cost of living a life in fear of being different?
“If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.” ― Brené Brown
5. Quit fighting with your body.
My approach to nutrition and fitness is building trust, respect and connection with your body. Your body’s number one goal is survival. It’s not out to get you.
The idea of responding to hunger appropriately by eating and eating until we’re satisfied and comfortably full is not as easy as it sounds. We live in a diet-culture that encourages disconnection from these primal body cues. Day in and day out, I see women who are manipulating their food intake in the belief that they cannot trust their bodies. Years of chronic dieting has left them unable to know how to eat “normally”, essentially, how to nourish their bodies. To feed and nourish ourselves is a form of self-care. Yet many would have us believe that it’s something to feel guilty about.
6. Quit comparing yourself to others.
Or at least quit compare and despair. Maybe not all comparison needs to go in the bin. One way I find helpful to look at it came from a vlogger called Lana Blakely. Blakely categorised comparison in 3 ways.
- Level 1 — When the comparison is discouraging destructive;
- Level 2 — When the comparison is met with neutrality and acceptance. Meaning, when the way that you view yourself is not dependent on others;
- Level 3 — When the comparison is encouraging. This is where it inspires self-growth.
I personally don’t believe we have to then choose between levels 2 and 3. . Instead, see what feels better in any given situation.
7. Quit saying “yes” when you want to say “no”.
You know the kind of “yes” that I mean, right? The one where as soon as you uttered the three-lettered word, you heard a sigh of rage in your mind. You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no. I read somewhere that saying no to others is, essentially saying yes to yourself. Putting in healthy boundaries protects our mental wellbeing. Does it feel uncomfortable when you first do it, yes? Okay, and maybe a few times after that. But let’s keep our eyes on the prize. The “yes” to yourself. Muah. That is the best feeling.
8. Quit shrinking yourself to make others comfortable.
I asked my Instagram community whether they felt that they were too much or not enough. It was one of my most engaged polls to-date. Recovery Coach Chrissy Kapartis feels that feeling “too much” is one way to express feelings of not feeling good enough. Kapartis’ early experiences taught her to doubt her inherent lovability. She thinks that this is at the root of a lot of pain, believing that you are not as acceptable as you are.
Challenge the belief that you are “too much”. Diluting your wonderful being doesn’t serve you. Your you-ness is your superpower.
9. Quit choosing perfection over progress.
I’m working on this one. As far as I can tell, it’s just another fancy word for procrastination. Perfectionism is paralysing. Something I have found helpful is the 70% rule. This rule says that perfection doesn’t exist. But what if we could get something at least 70% perfect? Would that, at least, allow you to get started?
Let’s use this post as an example. I wrote my first draft; then I let it marinate for a day, I did my edits and then shipped it out. I could have spent more days tweaking it. But no matter what, I wasn’t going to get it 100% perfect. Getting it out means I could then move onto my next piece of content.
The more projects we finish, the better we get at them. So, crack on and do your best. You’ll learn something along the way, and over time, with practice, you’ll get better.
Done, truly is, better than perfect!
Despite my choice of wording, the reality is that to overcome any of these needs continuous work. Have you ever thought about how any of these affect your relationship with food and your body?
Kaysha Thomas is a Registered Nutritional Therapist, Pilates Instructor and wellness blogger. She writes about mental health, self-love, nutrition and fitness. Sign up for Kaysha’s monthly newsletter for FREE Pilates videos, monthly meditations and nutrition tips. You can also follow Kaysha on Instagram at kayshathomas.
